Hosting an Intimate Event: Lessons from Our Manhattan Wedding

Lynette and I have discussed sharing some details about our Manhattan Wedding and our Paris Vows for some time.  We think overall we had an amazing, intimate celebration and some of you might find the ways we approached planning an intimate wedding helpful.  So, now that almost four months have passed since our Manhattan wedding, I think it's about time for us to share. We'll start with this and follow with our Paris vows.

Our situation is complicated.  Surprise.  Lynette has never been married and doesn't have any children so entering a relationship with me was an entirely new situation to navigate. I am divorced with 4 kids.  My three sons live in Washington state and my oldest and only daughter lives here in NYC with us. Without getting into the nitty gritty, I can say that my divorce has been complicated and mired with ongoing legal battles.  This is compounded by the stress of battling complicated medical and health issues within the family.  As anyone who's been through divorce knows, even in the best of situations, it's really the kids who go through the most.  Even when changing circumstances are happy it can also bring up complicated feelings of loss for what was, and uncertainty about what exactly the future holds. 

When we decided to marry,  Lynette and I agreed that the most important thing was to include my four kids and make them a central part of this commitment and event.  Uncertain of when we would all be together again, we decided to wed on our two year anniversary, August 13th 2019, when all four of my kids would be in NYC with us.   We also decided that only immediate family members would be invited.  This was to be sure that our attention wasn't spread too thin and that we could celebrate with the kids and our closest family.  We FaceTimed my sons to share the news, and I also made contact with their therapist and my daughters therapist to help them process this new milestone.  Hopefully sharing some of this information can help other divorced parents navigate through the process.  At the same time we planned to have an exchange of vows later in the year when the two of us could express our feelings and commitment to each other.  So, how did we approach the wedding?

Manhattan Wedding: First thing's first

Neither Lynette nor I are religious so immediately we scratched the idea of a religious ceremony.  We decided to marry at Manhattan City Hall. If you want to marry at City Hall the first thing to know is that you need to go to City Hall for a marriage license at least 24 hours before you plan to marry.  The license is valid for 60 days. Here is a link to make it easy for you.

Summer is the busiest time of year for me work wise.  I am still shocked we pulled this off.  On July 30th I happened to have the day off, so Lynette, Reina and I decided to head together to City Hall first thing in the morning (to avoid long lines) for the license.  We were called to window 13.  I nudged Lynette.  That's our lucky number! A good omen.  August 13th was our first date, and our wedding date and now we were called to window 13.  

Once we were called to the window, the process didn't take long.  We had our license in hand and Reina posed us in front of the silly City Hall photo op back drop to mark the moment. Later that evening we ventured to Brooklyn for dinner at French restaurant La Cafette to celebrate.  We were inspired to plot and plan for our vows and honeymoon in Paris and Lynette pointed out how our drinks matched the color palette for our Manhattan wedding (she chose blush, champagne, and navy.  Like I say, I was incredibly busy but fully on board especially because I actually pull off the color pink pretty well).  

Manhattan Wedding: Wedding Bands

We had been working with my wife’s talented sister’s fine jewelry shop Irden Designs for several months before we officially put a wedding date down. We had had the opportunity to visit her office in Seattle and over a bottle of Krug look at and try on different bands and diamonds. We worked with our jeweler to create these one of a kind wedding bands. We love the texture of my band because it reminds us of waves and all the wonderful memories we’ve made together by the ocean. Initially we were both going to get rose gold bands but I just kept coming back to the yellow gold and Lynette really wanted rose gold for hers. In the end we decided that because we would each be wearing our rings forevermore we should each love them. I went with the yellow gold and Lynette with the rose gold and you can see from the photo below they look great together. Lynette’s band is made of rose cut pear diamonds and round diamonds. It’s designed as a base for another two rings we’ll add down the road to mark anniversaries.

Manhattan Wedding: Party Favors 

Since we weren't planning on any decor for the wedding we wanted the party favors to look pretty and add to the ambiance of the party.  We also wanted to give a nod to my Japanese heritage and so we decided we would have elegant containers filled with Japanese candy and wagashi. Just a few days before the wedding we went with our four kids to the Upper East Side to Minamoto Kitchoan.  

The kids helped us choose wagashi and we had them choose some treats to enjoy for themselves while everything was being wrapped. It was a special moment and I'm glad all 6 of us were together to enjoy it.

The night before our wedding there was some drama...my daughter wanted to make the favors with no interference and her little brothers wanted to help.  There was no perfect solution. Sometimes you just have to make a decision.  Reina is very artistic so we let her have the moment, though the littles (as we call the two youngest) were not happy about it. She did a great job though! We were happy to have her on board. 

Manhattan Wedding: Flowers

We choose to use Eli Zabar Flower Shop on the Upper East Side for our wedding flowers. The shop is stunning and fragrant and the florists are very helpful. We love romantic dinners and weekend brunch at Eli’s Table, and Eli’s Market is our favorite market in Manhattan so it was a natural fit to visit the flower shop and create something beautiful for the wedding. For my boutonnière we selected white freesias with a blush filler and bridal and bridesmaid bouquets with freesias, and blush English roses.

Manhattan Wedding: The Day Of

The day of the wedding worked out really well.  It started off with Lynette and Reina heading off early in the morning to get their hair done, while I used the apartment as headquarters for getting ready with the boys.  Even though Lynette had laid everyone's clothes out, there was a bit of a mix up as you can see in the photos.  We do what we can.  Lynette's brothers and my mom, sister, and niece and the rest of us met at Manhattan City Hall around 10:00 a.m. It was an hour later than planned but the nice thing about a small wedding is you can make those little adjustments without throwing the whole day off.  City Hall does not make reservations
or appointments for your ceremony.  You show up and take a number and that's how it works. 

Even though the ceremony was short and you repeat the words of commitment without any personal vows it was really very special. Lynette's brother FaceTimed with her family and all the kids cheered loudly when we sealed the ceremony with a kiss. The wait was much shorter than expected and we were out around 11 a.m. Our lunch reservation was for 2:30.  We decided to head in a couple of private cars to the Plaza Hotel for a light bite and a Bellini toast.  It was a nice impromptu part of the day especially since Lynette and I had a lot of dates at the Plaza leading up to our engagement because it was close to where I was working when we first met. We then took a long walk through Central Park and stopped for photos.

Manhattan Wedding: Wedding Luncheon

One of the most brilliant things about the timing of our wedding was that it fell during NYC Restaurant Week.  For those of you who do not know, restaurant week is when a lot of NYC restaurants participate in a prix fixe 3 or 4 course menu for lunch and dinner. Without too many special arrangements or prep we could have a lovely meal with a pre-arranged fixed menu with ready made wine pairings for the adults.  We debated getting married in Manhattan vs. South Hampton where we were spending the summer.  Because we met and fell in love in Manhattan and because it would be easier to accommodate our handful of guests we decided to marry in Manhattan.  Lynette and I really wanted an iconic location for lunch and so we choose Tavern on the Green.  We arrived early and enjoyed cocktails and Shirley Temples (for the kids) while we waited for our table.

Tavern on the Green is whimsical, in Central Park, and a place that both kids and adults enjoy.  We called a few weeks in advance to reserve a table for our party of 12 and ordered a layered vanilla cake with chocolate ganache.  Lunch was very sweet. Each of the boys gave heartfelt wedding toasts which meant a lot to us.  We gifted each of the kids a bracelet with our family initial K on it.  Reina and Jack wore theirs the entire summer.

It was a great time.  My youngest son, 10 years, said "I'm glad it's just us here so we can all talk". We knew we did it the right way for our family.  Following our meal, my sister and brother in law hosted a really nice get together at their house for everyone.  We played games, ate good Italian food and they even had yet another cake!

The next day, just the six of us drove from Manhattan to South Hampton. Officially a family. Officially a beautiful wedding celebration done.  We drove to our favorite beach (East Hampton Main) and soaked ourselves in happiness!

And that was it...the beginning of the rest of our lives! Off to a great start! I would love to know more about you! Are you married? How did you celebrate? Sound off in the comments below.

Intimate Wedding Luncheon at Tavern on the Green

Tavern on the Green

At City Hall for our Marriage License

Dinner at La Caffette

At City Hall on our wedding day